The Sacred Search

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The Following is taken from The Sacred Search by Gary Thomas. For more information visit:


1. “Falling in love” with someone doesn’t mean you should marry them. Neurologically, infatuation has a lifespan of about 12 to 18 months
2. Marry someone you want to be married to, not someone you hope to transform
3. It’s not enough to “love” your boyfriend or girlfriend.  Do you also like them?  Are they the kind of person you enjoy being around?  If it wasn’t for the sexual chemistry, and if you didn’t feel romantically inclined toward them, would you still enjoy their company? Because that’s sort of how it’s going to be, in one sense or another, for the rest of your life. It’s the friendship that keeps the romance alive, not vice versa
4. Lying about what you want out of marriage going in because you’re afraid you’ll lose the relationship if you are honest is one of the worst kinds of fraud you could ever commit.  Be honest–we all want to live in a lifelong love, not a lifelong lie.
5. Here’s why you want to take it slow: Time serves intentionally cultivated, intimate affection, even as it assaults infatuation
6. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to help someone out; there is something wrong with choosing an untrustworthy, crisis-prone person to become your spouse
7. Marriage is tough enough as it is without being with someone who actually enjoys conflict; think twice before marrying a contentious person
8. Marrying an unhealthy person won’t usually make them healthy; it’ll just cement you in an unhealthy marriage
9. Single women, here’s the honest truth: however much your boyfriend talks to you while dating, cut that down by at least 25% after marriage. Will that be enough?
10. Singles: your best bet to make a good marriage is to find someone who already knows how to make and keep friends. The best marriage IS friendship
11. Marriage doesn’t solve emptiness, it exposes it, so marry someone who has a solid core
12. Going through with an ill-advised wedding to avoid short term pain and embarrassment is like falsely pleading guilty to murder to avoid being prosecuted for jay-walking; you’ve lost all sense of proportion
13. If a potential marriage partner insists on a sign from God before they get married, that’s a good indication they’re not marriage material. It means they lack necessary confidence and the ability to make decisions that are essential for a mature life and relationship
14. If you want more, read The Sacred Search.

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  1. Nadia  December 5, 2016

    Wow. This are GREAT truths. Where was this when I was looking for solid advice about marriage before I made my vows? I will be purchasing this book asap. Thanks for the great info.


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