Man has fallen, he has been wounded, and the one of the most noticeable results of this is the fear of failure and the false persona which we now put forth – the question being begged by men is “do I have what it takes.” We seek validation through means other than God (chiefly through women) and in doing so set ourselves up for failure in the battle which is at hand. It requires an intervention by men to bestow masculinity; on the lower levels this requires action by the father, on the higher levels this requires action by God. As John Eldredge tells us: “Masculinity is bestowed. A boy learns who he is and what he’s got from a man, or the company of men. He cannot learn it any other place. He cannot learn it from other boys, and he cannot learn it from the world of women… Femininity can never bestow masculinity.” Feminine cannot bestow masculine – the result is a culture of chaos, a nation/tribe of lost boys – divorce, work-obsessed absent fathers, anger/rage, addiction /idolatry (escapism/emotionally absent parents), anxiety, depression, and the plague of pornography.
A man can only become a man in the company of other men. When we didn’t experience the kind of fathering we need to mature we can only get what we need experientially – same with love, empathy, compassion, all emotions – we have typically gone into survival mode living out of the fear of our inadequacy, insecurities, and fear of failure – the false self. Awareness, ownership, responsibility for our growth is our part – and it can’t be done on our own. The four most dangerous words in the English language are “Just me and Jesus!” Life is designed by our creator to be lived connected in authentic, intimate community. He made Himself known to a community – the people of Israel.
Our mission, our purpose, of living the life God intended, can come from nowhere else but God; yet first we must be broken. We must first have our false persona shattered, we must first be made to see the truth. When our self fails, God comes through: “The true test of a man, the beginning of his redemption, actually starts when he can no longer rely on what he’s used all his life. The real journey begins when the false self fails… God thwarts us to save us.”
Intimacy – knowing and being known – is the cure for the wound. It cannot be learned in a book, heard in a sermon, prayed into us, it has to be experienced – horizontally and vertically – both/and – practiced. A relational wound can only be healed in the experience of relationship. The practice of intimacy is learned in a company of safe men. We heal from the wound, embrace our masculinity, gain strength (empowered), and then offer our strength/glory (true self) rather than our neediness – wounded healers rather than unhealed wounders.
